


someday (i'll be waiting)

by thotyong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 08:16:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14398014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thotyong/pseuds/thotyong
Summary: Jaehyun knew the moment he laid his eyes on him. He knew he was going to get hurt in the end. He knew that the dark doe-eyes who looked at him expectantly will be his downfall, his undoing.





	someday (i'll be waiting)

_Do you believe in the theory of multiverse?_

_I do. It's very fascinating, you see. I read somewhere that a philosopher, William James, hypothesize that there exist multiple universes, hence multiverse, that comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously._

_This is not a lecture, if you're wondering. I can only say this here. I'm afraid I'm not that brave to say this personally, so please bear with me._

_Back to what I was saying, to put it simply, the entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines._

_Have you ever stopped and pondered what would love look like if the multiverse is real? In this universe, there would always be two sets of people. The one who found their match and the other one, the one who is left with a broken heart. Because they are not destined to be together in this universe._

_All I'm saying is maybe, just maybe, we belong to the former._

_What if you just found me in the wrong universe?_

_What if, in another universe, I deserve you?_

_What if, in another universe, you were meant for me?_

_Maybe that explains everything. We're not together anymore because of the multiverse. It wasn't our fault._

_Because you could have loved me forever._

_And maybe in another universe, I let you._

_\- LTY_

****

Jaehyun knew the moment he laid his eyes on him. He knew he was going to get hurt in the end. He knew that the dark doe-eyes who looked at him expectantly will be his downfall, his undoing.

 

He knew how fucked up this was but he still gambled. He took his shot. At that time, he thought it was worth it. Worth gambling everything he had, his heart, his soul, his mind.

He looked at the boy sitting next to him, all bundled up in his blanket. He smiled, treasuring each moment they have. 

"Are you okay? Do you need anything else?" he said, askance. 

Taeyong smiled, reaching for Jaehyun's hand underneath the blanket, leaning his head on the other's shoulder, "I'm fine. I have you here with me."

"Do you want more popcorn?"

Taeyong laughed, "No. Let's just watch the movie, Jaehyun." He snuggled closer to Jaehyun, loving the warmth against his body.

Truth is, Jaehyun didn't even watch the movie. He watched the smaller boy as his expression changed from annoyed to scared to melancholic. He was savoring every memory they have together as if it's their last. He always does this because he never knows when the time they have will end.

"I mean why does the dad have to die?!" Taeyong whined after the movie, "If only they knew that the radio frequency thing would have that effect on the monsters then he wouldn't end up dead."

Jaehyun can't help but smile, dimples showing at how passionate Taeyong was about the movie. "It's in the script, Taeyong. If they knew, there'll be no movie."

Taeyong threw him a dark look, "That movie just made me frustrated." 

"Can I do something to ease of your frustration?" 

"Kiss me?"

Jaehyun was only too happy to comply, he pulled the smaller on his lap, facing him, earning a small yelp from Taeyong. 

Taeyong caught his breath, he has never seen someone who looks at him the same way Jaehyun does. Jaehyun looks at him like he's the only one in the world, like he's the most important thing in his life. The wrenching feeling inside his heart whenever he sees Jaehyun look at him that way... He wanted to give the younger his everything but he can't. They can't do it.

So they settled for this.

Jaehyun made his way towards Taeyong's neck, peppering butterfly kisses on it, careful not to leave any mark. Not because he doesn't want to but because he can't. 

"Jae," Taeyong sighed, breathless, laxing against Jaehyun's body. Jaehyun's kisses went up to his jaw, to his closed eyelids, to his nose, lingering on the side of his lips. "Not on the lips, Jae."

"I know." the other answered, darkly, bitterly. "I want you to know how much I hunger for you. But I won't do that to you or to him."

"Jaehyun." Taeyong said, cupping Jaehyun's face, the other's eyes looking at him intently. Taeyong feels the same wrench in his heart, always like this when he was with Jaehyun. "I'm sorry."

Jaehyun smiled sadly, holding the hand that was cupping his face. "Don't be. I'm the one who pushed you to do this." He said, burrowing his face on Taeyong's neck, "I just, I'm just... I should be contented to have you like this. I should be fine that I can hold you in my arms like this."

Taeyong wrapped his arms around Jaehyun, feeling the hot tears spilling on his shoulder blades, "I wish I could give you what you want."

"I want to own you, Taeyong. I want to steal you away from him. I hate myself for thinking this because he did nothing wrong to me and here I am doing this behind his back..." Jaehyun breathed heavily, "I even made you agree to this mess. I'm a mess. I'm so thankful that you even let me be with you..."

Taeyong didn't say anything. He couldn't. Because no matter what he says, nothing, absolutely nothing can make this right. They both knew this was not a good thing. That they started out wrong and they both know that this would end soon. The only thing they can do was cherish the time they have together.

Jaehyun sat up straight, looking at Taeyong with swollen but nevertheless beautiful soulful eyes. He smiled, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Let's just watch some more?" he said, reaching for the controller.

"I can't." Taeyong shook his head, his hand reaching Jaehyun's hand to soften the blow, "He's expecting me."

Jaehyun nodded, looking away. What would he do to be that person, what would he give to be him. 

"I'm sorry."  Taeyong said in a barely audible voice. 

"It's okay. I know.." Jaehyun smiled softly, knowing that showing his true feelings would only hurt the both of them even more, "I know that he's your priority. Don't worry about me."

"Don't say that. You know how I feel about you, right?"

Jaehyun's stilled. Quiet. And after what seems like a suspended moment, his answer was voiced out. "I know how you feel about him."

Taeyong remained mum, gauging Jaehyun's expression, wanting to reach out but at the same time knowing that doing so will only cause more hurt. He wanted to voice out his real feelings, his deepest secrets but he can't. He can't so he won't.

They both stared at each other, memorizing each other's features, drowning in each other's gaze. Taeyong's phone broke the silence with it's ring.

Taeyong hurriedly tried to get off Jaehyun's lap to reach for his phone but Jaehyun remained his hold on him, burrowing his face on Taeyong's neck as the other answered his call.

"Hi. I'm still at home." Taeyong answered the call, softly. "I'm on my way. I can't wait to see you too! I love you, baby." was the short conversation that transpired during the phone call.

Taeyong faced Jaehyun again, the younger's fave devoid of emotions. "I'm sorry you have to hear that, Jaehyun."

"I'm used to it." Jaehyun retorted, "I got used to it."

Taeyong was about to reply when Jaehyun's phone rang, looking at the younger one as he picked up the phone.

"Hello, Ten?" Jaehyun answered, "I'm just watching movies at home," he darted a look at Taeyong that made Taeyong shiver, "Go out with you and Taeyong? Be the thirdwheel?" Jaehyun laughed, humorlessly, "I think I'll pass. Enjoy your date, man. Bye."

Jaehyun eased Taeyong off his lap, "You have to go. He's waiting for you."

Taeyong nodded, getting his things. Once he was ready, Jaehyun was already ushering him towards the door, he grabbed the younger's hand. "Jaehyun, can I?" gesturing to the other's hair. It was an act between them, instead of kissing goodbye, Taeyong would usually run his hand through Jaehyun's soft locks. 

Jaehyun smiled faintly, nodding. 

Taeyong reached out, running his hands through Jaehyun's hair, his hand softly curling at the hair at the back of the taller one's nape.

"Do you want me to fall even more in love with you?" Jaehyun felt bad as soon as  he said those words. Taeyong's hand were gone the moment he said it. He was being rude and Taeyong doesn't deserve those words from him. 

Taeyong looked at him, all serious. "Jaehyun..." he trailed off, "Maybe we should st-" 

"Don't say it. Give me a little bit more time." Jaehyun pleaded, hugging Taeyong, "Just a little bit more time."

Maybe time is what they need.

***

"Hi." Jaehyun said the moment Taeyong picked up his call. 

"Hello." 

There was silence between them. It was neither awkward or comfortable. Both of them listening to each other's breathing, both of them wanting the other to speak first.

It was Jaehyun who broke the deafening silence, "I've been calling you since awhile ago but your phone was busy." he started, and then realizing what a stupid mistake it was.

"I was on the phone with him." Taeyong's distant reply came, leaving them both silent. 

It was a taboo subject between them. Jaehyun shouldn't ask for more than what Taeyong could give. Taeyong shouldn't answer things that doesn't have anything to do with them.

Silence.

"Jaehyun..." 

"Please no. Not yet, Taeyong." he pleaded, "I just wanted to hear your voice before I go to bed." 

Taeyong decided to let it go. No matter how much he wanted to say those words, maybe they were not ready yet. Jaehyun wasn't ready yet and he would wait until the time Jaehyun was ready... or if he thinks it's the right time.

"I want to hear your voice too," Taeyong said softly, truthfully. "Tell me what you did today."

Taeyong could hear the shuffle on the background. It seems like Jaehyun was settling on his bed. Taeyong misses the warmth of Jaehyun's body, the way his arms protect him while he was sleeping.

"Thought about you all day." 

Taeyong snorted, "Liar."

"I maybe a lot of things but I'm not a liar, Taeyong." Jaehyun laughed, "You know that."

"I know." Taeyong smiled, loving the sound of Jaehyun's laughter, "but aside from thinking about me, what else did you do?"

Jaehyun hummed, "Missing you?" 

"Jaehyun!" 

"What? It's true!" 

Taeyong rolled his eyes at the cheesiness of the caller, "Shut up."

"I miss you." Jaehyun whispered, huskily, earning a blush from Taeyong, "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too." I miss you more than I'm allowed to.

"It's already midnight. You have morning practice tomorrow, right? Go to sleep, Taeyong."

Taeyong looked at the clock and realized it was past midnight, he has been talking to Jaehyun for atleast an hour already. Time really flies so fast when they're talking to each other. 

He yawned, "I'm not yet sleepy."

"Close your eyes," The other commanded, Taeyong did as he was told.

Few moments later, all Taeyong could hear was Jaehyun's sweet voice singing him to sleep.

Taeyong's soft breaths were Jaehyun's indication that the other was already asleep. He didn't end the call right away, he listened to Taeyong as he sleep. If anyone asked, Jaehyun would deny it but the truth is he was wishing that somehow even in Taeyong's dream he would be the one he was thinking of.

"Jaehyun." 

It was barely audible and gibberish that if Jaehyun wasn't listening closely he would have missed it but this is Jaehyun we're talking about. Jaehyun who gambled everything for Lee Taeyong so of course he caught it. His heart swelling with love for the man, he truly loved him and he wants more.

"I love you." he whispered to the sleeping, "I love you so fucking much." He said the banned words, he finally said what his heart wanted to yell to the world. 

*** 

_Jaehyun. We need to talk._

_Where are you?_

_Are you in your house?_

_Yes._

_I'm coming in five._

 

The first doorbell came, followed by another and another and another. Jaehyun opened the door and saw Taeyong looking white as sheet, shaken, his doe-eyes misty with tears.

"Taeyong?" Jaehyun said, slowly ushering Taeyong inside. Taeyong followed suit, still not saying anything, sitting down on the nearest sofa.

Then the waterworks came. Tears flowed down Taeyong's face, his lips quivering, "J-Jaehyun," he stuttered, "I think he knows."

Jaehyun kneeled in front of Taeyong, panicked at the sight of his love crying, "Ten knows?"

Taeyong was shaking, nodding his head then shaking it, "I don't know. Maybe. I think he knows, Jaehyun." his voice broken. "Jaehyun!" he wailed.

Jaehyun's felt the sinking feeling in his stomach, he knows where this is headed. He knows that Taeyong will end this. Will end everything he treasures. 

"What do you suggest we do?" he asked, softly, wiping the tears cascading down Taeyong's face, "What do you want to happen?"

Taeyong looked at him in the eyes, intently, holding Jaehyun’s hand. “I can’t do this anymore, Jaehyun. I can’t hurt him. I can’t hurt you. I can’t hurt myself like this.”

Jaehyun held his Taeyong’s tightly, not wanting to let go, “Taeyong, please no. We can work this out. We’re not even sure if Ten knows about this. About us.”

Maybe someday Taeyong will regret this decision. But as of now, this is the only possible solution for everything. It's time to end this farce. “I want out, Jaehyun.” he said with finality.

Jaehyun’s hands that were holding Taeyong’s dropped in an instant. "What?" He looked away when Taeyong saw the flash of pain in his eyes. 

“I want out of this arrangement.”

His eyes turned frantic. "You promised me to wait until I was ready.”

"I want to." Taeyong whispered, fighting back the fresh batch of tears. "Jaehyun, believe me. I want to."

"Then why are you leaving me?" 

Taeyong swallowed the lump in his throat. "Because you deserve someone better. Someone who will always choose you. Someone who will love you the same way you love him. You deserve someone better. Someone not me, Jaehyun.” He cupped the other’s face. It was heartbreakingly handsome, enough to make Taeyong cry. "I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for agreeing to this. I like you way too much I gave in. This. Us. We shouldn’t have started.”

"You said I deserve someone better. Didn’t it occur to you that I don’t want someone better? That all I need was you?” Jaehyun asked, his eyes, welling with unshed tears, were Taeyong’s undoing. 

Taeyong swear that his heart shattered into million tiny pieces with that question. “This is for you. Believe me, Jaehyun. You’re so much better without me.”

Jaehyun’s eyes turned to slits. He was mad, "Why are you deciding for me? I don’t need anything. I need you.”

Taeyong stared at him, “I am not worthy, Jaehyun. Please don’t ruin your friendship with Ten just for me.”

He looked into Taeyong’s eyes, and the older was terrified that he might see all the demons lurking in his heart, the words that can’t be said wanting to be spilled.

"I guess you’re right.” Jaehyun said, his voice tight. His vision blurring, “I can see that this is hurting you and I never wanted that to happen. I just want to let you know how much I feel for you.” He reached out to hug Taeyong, “Know that I am letting you go not because I think you’re not worth it. We both know what we have is real, Taeyong. Deep inside I know you know it too. I am letting you go because this is hurting you and I don’t want that. Never. Even at the expense of you breaking my heart, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Taeyong couldn’t do anything but hold Jaehyun as close as he can.

Jaehyun laughed, hugging Taeyong as tight as he can, memorizing the warmth, the smell, the softness of the other. Because at this moment it was really the last time, their last time together. “Taeyong, I love you. I knew I loved you since way before. I knew how much I l love you when I realized that it’s you that I would call if the world is ending in a few minutes and I wouldn’t mind waiting for you to pick up my call because you’d be on the phone with someone else just to say I love you.”

“Stop, Jaehyun.” Taeyong cried, harder. His heart shattering in a million of pieces and knows that there’ll be no way to glue them back together. “Please stop.”

He extracted himself from the hug, he motioned for Jaehyun, “Can I?”

Jaehyun smiled, this would be the last time Taeyong would run his hand through his hair, the last time he would feel Taeyong’s hands on him. He leaned forward for the last time.

Taeyong kissed him fully on the lips. The first touch of their lips was electrifying, frantic, memorizing and savoring each other. With closed eyes, he suppressed the tears that was on the verge of erupting and enjoyed the shared kiss.

The kiss was bittersweet. Full of love and the promise of goodbye. 

They were both out of breath when their lips parted. Jaehyun pressed his forehead to Taeyong’s with his eyes closed. "Are you sure you want to leave me? Won’t you like to kiss me some more?” he jested but Taeyong can still hear the pain underlying his teasing voice.

Taeyong blushed hard. Even with everything that was happening, he couldn’t ignore the fact that only Jaehyun can make him feel like this. He looked at the younger’s lips that were swollen from his kisses.

Jaehyun kissed him once more, longer and sweeter this time, taking his time, nipping and sucking, before letting Taeyong go. “Alright." He whispered, clutching Taeyong so close to him.

“Hmm?”

"I'll let you go. If that's what you want.” 

Taeyong was happy and sad at the same time. It was melancholic. “Thank you." Pushing his body closer to Jaehyun’s, contradicting himself.

"Promise me one thing before I let you go."

"Anything."

"Don't do anything stupid." 

Taeyong laughed softly, "I never did anything reckless in my life."

"Never? You let me in your life." He chuckled darkly, his laugh vibrating. His eyes showing all his hidden feelings. 

"I think that's the smartest thing I've done. I met you."

He flashed his smile, dimples showing. The smile that made Taeyong fall for him, that gentle smile that was only for him. “Do right people with wrong timing get a second chance?” he muttered, he looked up at the sky, his eyes shut.

“Yes, someday.”  _I love you._

“I’ll be waiting for our someday, Taeyong.” _I love you so much._

This is it.

"Goodbye, Jaehyun.”

"Goodbye."

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I just did this. My heart is seriously broken right now. I don't know if it showed in the fic but I was really hurting when I wrote this.


End file.
